I can't believe I recorded and edited another one of these in the midst of my box-filled hellhole, but I did it. Please ... enjoy this episode about how I can't stand packing and moving.
Hi! It's time for another episode of What's Going On, a show about how being a person is boring and tedious and no one will ever help you. If you offer to buy them a pizza, then, maybe.
[What's Going On intro + theme]
Today's episode is about moving. Or packing. Or throwing every single thing you own away.
(sings) Boxes, boxes, boxes. There's a tower of boxes!
I keep thinking about how much packing I have to do, and it's making me anxious.
(Gestures to huge pile of packing tape) Wonder if I have enough packing tape?
Seeing the boxes everywhere makes me more anxious. I work from home, so having a space that's filled with boxes is a constant reminder of an external stress that is distracting me.
I've been putting the boxes that I already packed underneath my kitchen table, except that I'm running out of room, so that's great.
Okay, so, as usual, this episode is getting off to a depressing start. Is there anything funny about moving? (Shrugs)
This is weird. I wasn't expecting this, but even talking out loud about moving is actually making me feel... worse. As I'm packing up everything that I own, and thinking on the surface, "I have too much stuff, I should throw all of this away," in the back of my head I'm remembering all of the other things that I've had that I have thrown away that aren't here anymore.
That's weird, right? Like, as you're packing, and externally being very irritated about how much stuff you have, you're also simultaneously remembering or considering what you don't have and what's missing.
It's not even that I have a lot of stuff now that I'm looking at as I pack, and going, "Oh, look at this item, so many cherished memories associated with this item!" Because I throw so many things away that it's actually pretty rare that I'll have that experience.
I feel like for other people, moving is this experience of self-discovery, and for me it's been a reminder that I apparently don't save anything and have trouble getting close to people. And also it's a reminder of how many projects I've started and left behind, or how many projects I've "meant to do."
I think I'm the only person I know who just removes sentimental objects from her life entirely. Unless they're something I made. Like, the stuff that I have saved is: old costumes, and old scripts for auditions I did or plays I was in, or cosplays that I built myself, or projects that I was going to complete that I tell myself I might still complete. Or objects that I bought myself.
Sentimentality is for suckers. (winks)
This is like, the saddest episode I've ever done. And I've only recorded three episodes, so it was a pretty low bar.
That's probably fine. Like ... right? I don't need to worry about this. Even though I don't have any fun stories about finding a photo of myself when I was two, and then I'm like, "oh my god, I used to be two!" Moving still is fucking terrible. I hate it. Oh my god, I hate it.
I'm probably not going to record another one of these until after I move, so maybe the next time you see me, I'll be on the same couch, also in front of a white wall, and you will not know that anything has changed. But I'll know. I'll know... that you're right, and that actually nothing has really changed.
The new place has a disposal, though. So I'll probably, like, dispose of more stuff? (laughs) Oh my god.