I made another episode of my video series, What's Going On! The deep irony of this video's topic is that I ended up staying up until 2:30 AM after recording the footage last Thursday night, because I made some mistakes in the editing process. I didn't have time to fix those mistakes until today (Monday). Why? Because sometimes, projects take more time than you thought they would. Sigh.
We're back for another episode of What's Going On! I'm Maddy Myers, and the universe doesn't care about you.
[Title theme song]
Today's topic is time. There's never enough of it, and nothing you do happens at the right -- time? Nope, not how I want to say that.
Schedules! Who needs 'em? What are they?
Have you noticed that there's never a good time to do anything? Like, for example, this video – which I spent all week thinking I would make. And I kept saying, "any day now, any moment now, I'm going to feel like sitting on the couch and talking to my camera again." Nope! Did not happen. Never felt like doing that. And now here we are anyway, even though this is not a good time to do it. Because it turns out that there's never a good time to do anything.
For example, going to the post office. [Title card, "1. Post Office"] Everybody goes to the post office at every possible hour of the day. Do you want to go really early in the morning to make sure nobody's at the post office? Everybody's at the post office. Want to go in the middle of the day? Everybody's at the post office. Want to go after work? Prime time for the post office. Why? I don't know!
Thing number two: dropping off your car to get repaired. [Title card, "2. Auto Mechanic"] I called them, and I was like, "Hey, what time should I come in?" They were like, "[shrugs] Take it in any time. We don't care." I was like, "No, really, give me a time." Eventually, I got them to say 8 AM.
I got there around 9, which is like 8 AM in Maddy Myers Standard Time. I was like, "Hey, I'm here to drop off my car to be repaired." They were like, "Oh, no, we're really busy today." "I called ahead! You guys said I could come any time!" "Oh, well, you know." I ended up waiting there for like … four hours.
Thing number three: looking for an apartment. I finally signed a lease for a new apartment! Finally got a new place. [dances] Is there ever a good time to move, though? No!
"Maddy, you've got to move on June 1st! There's going to be so many apartments available that time of year!" Is that true? Eh, not really. I looked at a ton of apartments. They were pretty much all bad.
Apartment hunting is kind of like dating, if dating had thousands and thousands of dollars attached to it and you had to make a really, really quick decision as soon as you met somebody as to whether or not you wanted to be with them for a year. So, it's like dating, if dating were terrifying. Dating already is really terrifying, so.
[Title card, "4. aaAAAGH"] The thing about there never being a good time to do anything is that you still have to do everything. Deadlines, am I right? Even though there is a never a good time to go to the post office, you still have to go sometimes. Same with fixing your car, and getting an apartment. I didn't really want to make this video, and I didn't really have time to make it, and I did it anyway.
I should probably end this video with some sort of platitude about how you should seize the day and do things even though it's not the right time to do them, because I made this video, even though I should really be working on other projects right now. I think it's a lot more practical to just say, there's actually never going to be a good time to do anything, and that sucks. It's not inspiring. It's not whimsical. It's just shitty. It's never going to be convenient for you to write the next American novel, or the next Canadian novel, or the next Brazilian novel. You're just going to have to – make time.
Can we just all agree to push whoever says "make time" in the face? Just push them right in the face until they fall over. You don't "make time." You give up something. You have to actually make a sacrifice. I'll probably stay up really late editing this, and editing other work, and just – I don't know, basically what I'm going to sacrifice is sleep. And that sucks, especially if you end up sacrificing something just to wait in line at the post office.
Basically, the universe is unpredictable and it doesn't care about you. I mean, I never said these videos were going to be uplifting.
Okay, let me see if I can do this. You can't control how long you have to wait at the post office – but you can control whether or not you text your friend funny shit the whole time while you're waiting.
[Ending theme plays]
I'm making time to work out, though. [flexes]